“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy

      In life we find ourselves constantly evolving.  Moving forward, making changes, and living life.  Sometimes, I find it difficult to let go.  I try to hold on to my past I don’t know why but maybe because it’s what’s comfortable.  Change has always frightened me.  Most people don’t know that because I have changed many things about my life many times.  I moved 2,000 miles away from all I knew.  I have picked up the pieces and pushed forward.  There is a difference between picking up the pieces and dealing with things.  It took me 27 years to figure out sweeping things under the rug doesn’t get rid of it.  In fact it causes more of a mess down the road. Harboring all of your emotions because you want to be “tough” is like taking a small dose of poison.  You will eventually have to deal with things and most of the time the damage is done.  All you can do is ask for forgiveness especially from yourself.

  I believe there is a difference between being tough and being strong.  Being tough is about how far you can take a beating whether physical or mental.  You take the abuse and never fire until you explode.  You think asking for help or showing emotion is a sign of weakness.  You must be tough in every aspect because you believe if you show your softer side people will take advantage.  They will exploit you and then you secrets out.  So you have a hardened shell and refuse to feel any emotion.  Showing you have emotions mean you can get a broken heart.  A broken heart means pain and pain is something you would rather live without. 

  Being strong is having the courage to show people your softer side.  When you take a beating you stand up for yourself and be true.  You know your weaknesses and are constantly working on them.  You know people can and most likely will take advantage of your vulnerability but that doesn’t stop you from showing it.  Being strong is showing yourself and others that you feel.  You are not afraid of a broken heart because at least you put your emotions into something.    

  It took me 27 years to realize only you can tear down the walls you have created (or break your hardened shell).  You cannot expect someone else to do it for you.  If you want to find someone to spend the rest of your life with the worst thing you can do is be guarded.  Chances are you’ve had someone in your life that stuck by you and tried so desperately to climb those walls.  But, after so many failed attempts they gave up and moved on.  Now, you finally have to deal with all you swept under the rug.  I think it happens to all of us.  But the difference is the strong person doesn’t let it happen again.

  When you open up your relationships in your life get stronger.  Not just your romantic relationship but all of them (friends and family etc.). You’re not as afraid and you are ready for whatever life throws your way.  It’s hard to explain but once you begin to make changes to be more open it feels like you are traveling to a foreign country alone.  It’s very out of your element and scary.  Don’t run back to comfortable stick with it and you’ll begin feel better and more honest about who you really are.  You are showing the world the real you and after awhile you don’t give a crap what others think of you.  At least you are being honest with yourself and others. 

      

  You cannot change your past you can only learn from it.  So, don’t forget about it just live in the present.  Remember Change is vital.  Sure it’s scary but believe it or not YOU have the strength deep inside to get through anything.  

Life lessons:)

     I'm going to be another year older so it's only natural for me to reflect.

What have I learned so far? Here it goes:

*The person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with you probably won't.

*Life isn't fair and it can suck. But never give up because the reward makes all the less than fair float away

*There is always going to be someone better than you, so be the best with what you got.

*Most people don't do the right thing especially when it's difficult.

*Beauty is literally from the inside out. You find when someone has a beautiful soul they have this inner light that makes them more beautiful on the outside.

*Not everyone has the same morals and code of ethics. Don't bend yours they make you who you are.

*Your heart is stronger than you think. You can break a bone but you cannot break your heart! Someone can make your heart hurt but, its not broken. It will heal in time.

*Sleep isn't overrated. You need it especially if you want to have friends.

*When someone does something nice a simple thank you isn't a suggestion.

*Don't settle because of fear. That's not living life to your full potential.

*Stepping on people to get ahead never turns out the way you want. You will find yourself alone with remorse.

*Before taking criticism first determine whom it is coming from.  Some people just are mean to be mean.  Others actually care and want to help.

*Fighting with crazy people and stupid people is pointless they are never going to get it. However, sometimes it can be a little hilarious.

*Your heart knows how you feel before you do.

*Everyone has their own Jiminy Cricket the smart people listen to it the dumb people stifle it.

*Find what matters most to you and let go of things that don’t.  You will see you have a lot more free time and you smile more.

*Which brings me to my next point.  Wrinkles around your eyes and mouth are a sign of a happy life.  So keep smiling.

*The minute all women realize everyone has cellulite the better we will all feel in a bathing suit.

*As you grow you will understand that life is about quality not quantity.

*Don’t sacrifice who you are for anyone or anything. Once you do the world gets a little dimmer.

*Glitter isn’t gaudy it’s fabulous

*When you find the people that matter most to you don’t let them go.  Unless you have a restraining order then it’s time to give up.

*Cake is to women as beer is to men.  Good in moderation for their waistline.

*Cupcake is portable cake with less guilt. Light beer watered down beer with less fat.

*If you ask someone who is genuinely happy what their secret is they say exercise and finding the love of their life.  The real answer they are wanting to say is “frequent dance parties”

*Everyone is going to go through things in their lives.  It’s not the challenges that make the man it’s how they act during them that do.

*Actions speak louder than words.

Caring what people think is pointless because they are simply caring what you are thinking of them.  So nobody is thinking about anyone else but himself or herself in someone else's eyes.

*When you are wrong apologize and ask for forgiveness. If you don’t get it you tried to make it right.

*Help others see their potential what they do with it is up to them.

*BUT MOST OF ALL: Be kind to one another. Hug longer kiss, laugh, if you love someone tell them before its too late, say goodbye to the ones that have moved on, don’t hold anger, forgive those who seek it, and congratulate those who find the one even if its not you.  Life will work out. You cannot see it now but the reason is in the future.  Look forward to that but don’t miss the adventure that is right in front of you.  Because before you know it you are another year older. 

Life With Purpose.

The more I sit and wonder what life is all about I a seem get more questions than answers. Is this it? Am I doing it right? Am I following the correct path? It can be so overwhelming and frustrating to think about it.

The only people who have the right answers to any of my questions have passed on and can no longer give them to us. I also think no two lives are the same. So there answers would have no relevance to your questions. But, they could give you some good advice I am sure.   We are all unique in our own special way. How I perceive the value of life is going to be different than anyone else.  It doesn't make my definition any more correct than the next persons. I am so simple I'm complicated. I find the things I value most have no true price. It's about the small gestures for me at least.

The value of life for me is constantly reminding myself "it's okay let God take you where you need to go". It's as I said so simple it's complicated. Knowing your life has a purpose is the number one thing!! You matter because you were created!! The lives you touch and the interactions you have are a part of an even bigger purpose. It's okay to not know what your purpose is but, don't give up on it. One day someone will point it out to you and you will have your AHA moment. 

One life can't be summed up in a word or a smile or a net worth. It's a life.

My life is defined by the following: my friends and family, the mistakes I've made, what I've learned from them, the pain I've caused, the pain I've felt, the forgiveness I seek and have been granted, the love I give and receive, whether or not I have a good heart(I try to have a good heart in all I do), loyalty, doing the right thing even if it's not the popular thing, being a child of God  and never giving up on my purpose.

I am a fighter and am a driven little Italian. I am extremely stubborn but, I would give you the shirt off of my back if you need it.I have made my mistakes and am a better woman because of them. I know how precious a life is. I understand to not take it for granted. You only have on life. That's it no do over. 

I hate asking for help. The main person I ask for help is my silent partner upstairs! I trust him and any path he sends me on. There is a reason to his rhymes. Knowing this I take life as a marathon not a sprint. It will all work out how it's supposed to and that might not be the way you thought it was supposed to go. But, we don't see the whole picture. Find the things you find important that define your life and live it. Once you figure out those things you should have an idea on what your purpose is. If not don't worry because you my dear have a purpose! Your life has meaning. Your life is precious.  Just remember trust that God has you covered. He does:)

Not just for one day but everyday!

Someone once asked me "Do you not believe in love? Is that why you hate Valentines day?" I'm sure I said something witty had a giggle and went on my way. Boy, I wish I would have told them this which is the truth. No(person who will remain nameless), I do believe in love and that is why I hate Valentines Day. Hey don't get me wrong I love candy just as much as the next person. Maybe even more if its possible. But, I like my candy all year round. Not just once a year! So I guess I like my love like I love my candy not in a huge binge once a year but, rather even doses all year round.

I mean the question that was posed was so ridiculous. I mean how can you not believe in something that you see and feel on a daily basis from the people you surround yourself with? How many songs are about falling in love? Or falling out of love, missing the ones you love and even dreaming about an old love? Seems crazy not to believe such a thing exists. Love comes in all forms and it hits you in unexpected ways. Everyone experiences love. They give and they receive. The definition of love in the dictionary is: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for anotherperson. My personal definition however, is slightly different. Love: is going above and beyond expecting nothing in return. It is an emotion in which if you do not express it you will virtually explode or go emotionally insane. To love means never to judge, to hold someone up when they find the weight of the world on their shoulders because you feel that weight too and you are compelled to make the other person at ease while you take on their burden. Finally to love is to hold people close to your heart and forever in your thoughts.

I hope your starting to grasp why Valentines day doesn't mean anything to me. I choose not to enjoy this one day devoted to love because I love everyday! I tell my Family, my friends (who are family) and those I truly care about how much they mean to me. Not because once a year Feb 14th comes around and you are pressured to express your emotions in the heat of the day with fear of no cards in your mailbox or flower deliveries or sitting alone at a table set for two.

I choose to love 365 days a year not just one day. It is vitally important not only love other people but to love yourself as well. This world gets really hard sometimes and you can be surrounded by thousands of people and still feel lonely or not loved. Don't even think for a second you don't mean anything to someone. Because you do! It can just be difficult to see through the fog. So promise me you will open your eyes a little wider and your heart a little more and you will begin to see the love the world has for you..............

You, my dear are loved.

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I find it rather ironic that we go to college to get an education. We make it through college(some of us barely, some with no problem at all) with a degree in something that you intend on doing for the rest of your life. For some people the first few years of college are used as a test run. Trying to figure out what they want to do or which path to choose. I on the other hand was fortunate to know exactly what i wanted to do. But, just because you get a degree and walk across that stage gripping your diploma doesn't mean the hard times are over. In fact, on the contrary the hard times have just begun.

I'm not saying that people don't have it hard in college. I sure did. Through out my entire college career i was challenged. I was challenged emotionally, physically and mentally. Being told you cant do something by someone with "power" doesn't mean you have to quit. If i quit after ever single time i was told "your not good enough, you are just a pretty girl with no brain, and my (personal favorite) you are not strong enough health wise." God knows what i would be doing. Yeah so what I'm not good in math or science I've got the grades to prove it. But, that doesn't mean i didn't bust my ass to do it. That doesn't mean I ran away from that challenge. I made myself stronger, smarter and tougher. So when I graduated I thought that whole "proving myself" was over. I made it, diploma in hand Inducted in the Honors Theatre Fraternity with my heart set on heading west. Boy was I wrong.

I for a mere couple of months thought it was just me having a problem finding an acting job or a job outside of retail. A job in journalism or communications. Sadly it's not just me. It's all of us. Our economy sucks and unless you have made it huge you are barely scrapping by. We graduated at the worst possible time. Now, it's not just the professors saying you can do something it's the job market. It's every interview you go on. Its the economy. This is our time. This is our time to live within or means. To work harder than ever before to prove we deserve our paycheck. There is no instant gratification and no million dollar bills flying around like in a music video there is our reality.

What I am trying to say is Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough. You bust your ass put your nose to the grindstone and work. Our generation shouldn't just expect things to be handed to us. We have to work! So prove it to others because deep inside you know you are Extraordinary!